Liz Troubles

I was just running around the house with my dog yesterday when the inevitable happened. One moment I was chasing my dog and trying to grab his tail to stop him from taking my clothes to his secret place and the next moment, I felt something land on my left shoulder. I spared a glance for a tiny second to see what it was---

---and promptly brought the house down with my shrieks.

"OH MY GOD! THERE'S A LIZARD ON MY SHOULDER! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!"

I danced around the house, screaming my head off and waving my hands and wriggling my shoulders to try shake it off. The GRAY lizard wouldn't budge even for a second. By now my dog was barking his tiny brain off and my family all rushed into the living room where I was doing my own version of an African dance.

"GET IT OFF ME! OH MY GOD! NOW! NOW! NOW!"

My housekeeper pushed her way through the crowd (Gooooooooo, lizzard! - cheered my pesky brother) and I paused for a second to show her my shoulder. I was hysterical by now and my dog chose the wrong time to listen to me. He was still barking like mad and the phone (probably the neighbors) started ringing off the hook which led a very flustered housekeeper to slap me across my face. 

I stopped right on my path and froze. I opened my mouth and that was when the lizard -shudder- decided to jump off my shoulder, and neatly landed on the floor. Before I could even register it, he had scuttled away to some random dark corner. 

My housekeeper regarded me darkly and went off to...well, wherever she goes off to. My dog gave a last, final bark and then trooped towards his bed to the other room. My brother, disappointed that the floor show was over, went back to his comic books and the other family members disappeared one after another, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the room.

It took me a while to get over the urge to take another shower every five minutes. To take off my mind, I logged into my email account and there was new Net-a-porter update which took my mind to a happier place. I browsed the website for a minute and stumbled across this:

ANNINA VOGEL

£7,437.69

My reaction to this was...I'm going to take another shower.

Yours blushingly